Carver, Ph. It is very informative and discusses some of the warning signs of emotional and physical abuse to look for within dating relationships. So, read on, and by the end of the article hopefully you will have gained some insight and will able to answer the question that he poses in his title. Very few relationships start on terms other than sweetness and politeness. Both you and the date are guarded, trying to obtain information about the other as much as possible without seeming like a police detective. Romantic relationships can be wonderful with the right person.
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10 Signs You’re Dating A Loser
This article was published to the Internet several years ago and was originally written to help identify “Losers” in relationships. The e-mail feedback I have received on the article has been tremendous. It’s clear the article is a way of identifying not only “losers” but controlling, abusive, and manipulating individuals. It’s also obvious these warning signs are not only found in dating relationships – but in our spouse, our parents, our friends, and our relatives.
There are more victims in the environment of the Loser than his or her partner. The loved ones want to understand the situation and ask for recommendations and guidance. For this group I have recently published “Love and Stockholm Syndrome: The Mystery of Loving an Abuser”. A link to this article is found at the end of this page. Obviously, this article has created the need for sequels.
I hope to publish a guide to assist Losers who want to change their life and behavior. An article addressing sons and daughters who were parented by Losers is also being planned. My goal is to follow this issue and provide help and guidance to all those involved with controlling and abusive individuals – from partners to extended victims. Very few relationships start on terms other than sweetness and politeness. In the beginning, “the honeymoon” of the relationship, it’s difficult to determine what type of individual you are dating.
Both you and the date are guarded, trying to obtain information about the other as much as possible without seeming like a police detective. Romantic relationships can be wonderful with the right person. A damaging adult partner can damage us, damage our loved ones, and even damage the way we feel about love and romance in the future. They can turn what is supposed to be a loving, supporting, and understanding relationship into the “fatal attraction” often described in movies.
There are a variety of “bad choices” that may be encountered each week – most of which are easily to identify and avoid. We all know to avoid people that appear insane or abusive and not select them as a dating partner. However, some individuals are better at hiding their personality and behavior abnormalities. In an effort to provide some warning about these very damaging individuals, this paper will outline a type of individual commonly found in the dating scene, a male or female labeled “The Loser”.
These are characteristics that they accept simply as the way they are and not a problem or psychological difficulty. Psychologists usually treat the victims of “The Loser”, women or men who arrive at the office severely depressed with their self-confidence and self-esteem totally destroyed. The following list is an attempt to outline the characteristics of “The Loser” and provide a manner in which women and men can identify potentially damaging relationships before they are themselves severely damaged emotionally or even physically.
If your partner possesses even one of these features, there is risk in the relationship. More than three of these indicators and you are involved with “The Loser” in a very high risk relationship that will eventually create damage to you. When a high number of these features are present – it’s not a probably or possibility. You will be hurt and damaged by “The Loser” if you stay in the relationship. Rough Treatment “The Loser” will hurt you on purpose.
Male losers often begin with behaviors that move you physically or hit the wall. Female losers often slap, kick and even punch their male partners when upset. Quick Attachment and Expression “The Loser” has very shallow emotions and connections with others. One of the things that might attract you to “The Loser” is how quickly he or she says “I Love You” or wants to marry or commit to you.
Typically, in less than a few weeks of dating you’ll hear that you’re the love of their life, they want to be with you forever, and they want to marry you. You’ll receive gifts, a variety of promises, and be showered with their attention and nice gestures. This is the “honeymoon phase” – where they catch you and convince you that they are the best thing that ever happened to you.
Remember the business saying “If it’s too good to be true it probably is too good to be true! Normal, healthy individuals require a long process to develop a relationship because there is so much at stake. Healthy individuals will wait for a lot of information before offering a commitment – not three weeks. It’s true that we can become infatuated with others quickly – but not make such unrealistic promises and have the future planned after three dates.
The rapid warm-up is always a sign of shallow emotions which later cause “The Loser” to detach from you as quickly as they committed. Frightening Temper “The Loser” has a scary temper. In the beginning of the relationship, you will be exposed to “witnessed violence” – fights with others, threats toward others, angry outbursts at others, etc. You will also hear of violence in their life. You will see and witness this temper – throwing things, yelling, cursing, driving fast, hitting the walls, and kicking things.
That quickly serves to intimidate you and fear their potential for violence, although “The Loser” quickly assures you that they are angry at others or situations, not at you. At first, you will be assured that they will never direct the hostility and violence at you – but they are clearly letting you know that they have that ability and capability – and that it might come your way. Later, you fear challenging or confronting them – fearing that same temper and violence will be turned in your direction.
They constantly correct your slight mistakes, making you feel “on guard”, unintelligent, and leaving you with the feeling that you are always doing something wrong. They tell you that you’re too fat, too unattractive, or don’t talk correctly or look well. This gradual chipping away at your confidence and self-esteem allows them to later treat you badly – as though you deserved it.
In public, you will be “walking on eggshells” – always fearing you are doing or saying something that will later create a temper outburst or verbal argument. Cutting Off Your Support In order to control someone completely, you must cut off their supportive friends – sometimes even their family. In some cases, if they can’t get rid of your best same-sex friend, “The Loser” will claim he or she made a pass at them. If you talk to your friends or family, “The Loser” will punish you by asking multiple questions or making nasty accusations.
Eventually, rather than face the verbal punishment, interrogation, and abuse, you’ll develop the feeling that it’s better not to talk to family and friends. You will withdraw from friends and family, prompting them to become upset with you. Once you are isolated and alone, without support, their control over you can increase. The cycle starts when they are intentionally hurtful and mean. You may be verbally abused, cursed, and threatened over something minor.
Suddenly, the next day they become sweet, doing all those little things they did when you started dating. You hang on, hoping each mean-then-sweet cycle is the last one. The other purpose of the mean cycle is to allow “The Loser” to say very nasty things about you or those you care about, again chipping away at your self-esteem and self-confidence.
It’s Always Your Fault “The Loser” blames you for their anger as well as any other behavior that is incorrect. When they cheat on you, yell at you, treat you badly, damage your property, or embarrass you publicly – it’s somehow your fault. If you are ten minutes late for a date, it’s your fault that the male loser drives 80 miles per hour, runs people off the road, and pouts the rest of the evening. If they drive like a maniac and try to pull an innocent driver off the highway to assault them – it’s actually the fault of the other driver not his as they didn’t use a turn signal when they changed lanes.
They give you the impression that you had it anger, yelling, assault coming and deserved the anger, violence, pouting, or physical display of aggression. Breakup Panic “The Loser” panics at the idea of breaking up – unless it’s totally their idea – then you’re dropped like a hot rock. Both male and female losers may threaten suicide, threaten to return to old sweethearts who feel lucky they’re gone! They shower you with phone calls, often every five minutes, hoping that you will make an agreement or see them just to stop the telephone harassment.
Some call your relatives, your friends, their friends, and anyone else they can think of – telling those people to call you and tell you how much they love you. Creative losers often create so much social pressure that the victim agrees to go back to the bad relationship rather than continue under the social pressure. Imagine trying to end a relationship and receiving tearful calls from all his or her relatives they secretly hope you’ll keep them so they don’t have to , seeing a plea for your return in the newspaper or even on a local billboard, receiving flowers at work each day, or having them arrive at your place of work and offer you a wedding ring male loser technique or inform you that they might be pregnant female loser technique in front of your coworkers!
Their reaction is emotionally intense, a behavior they use to keep you an emotional prisoner. If you go back to them, you actually fear a worse reaction if you threaten to leave again making you a prisoner and they later frequently recall the incident to you as further evidence of what a bad person you are. Remember, if your prize dog jumps the fence and escapes, if you get him back you build a higher fence.
Once back in the grasp of “The Loser” – escape will be three times as difficult the next time. No Outside Interests “The Loser” will encourage you to drop your hobbies, interests, and involvement with others. If you have an individual activity, they demand that they accompany you, making you feel miserable during the entire activity. The idea behind this is to prevent you from having fun or interests other than those which they totally control.
Paranoid Control “The Loser” will check up on you and keep track of where you are and who you are with. If you speak to a member of the opposite sex, you receive twenty questions about how you know them. If you don’t answer their phone call, you are ask where you were, what were you doing, who you were talking to, etc. They will notice the type of mud on your car, question why you shop certain places, and question why you called a friend, why the friend called you, and so forth. Some losers follow you to the grocery, then later ask if you’ve been there in an attempt to catch you in a lie.
High-tech losers may encourage you to make “private” calls to friends from their residence, calls that are being secretly taped for later reference. They may begin to tell you what to wear, what to listen to in music, and how to behave in public. Eventually, they tell you that you can not talk to certain friends or acquaintances, go certain places, or talk about certain issues in public.
If no date is present on Friday night – “The Loser” will inform you that they will call you that night – sometime. That effectively keeps you home, awaiting the call, fearing the verbal abuse and questions you might receive if you weren’t home for the call. This technique allows “The Loser” to do what they want socially, at the same time controlling your behavior from a distance or a local bar.
Public Embarrassment In an effort to keep you under control while in public, “The Loser” will lash out at you, call you names, or say cruel or embarrassing things about you in private or in front of people. When in public, you quickly learn that any opinion you express may cause them to verbally attack you, either at the time or later.
If you stay with “The Loser” too long, you’ll soon find yourself politely smiling, saying nothing, and holding on to their arm when in public. You’ll also find yourself walking with your head down, fearful of seeing a friend who might speak to you and create an angry reaction in “The Loser”. It’s Never Enough “The Loser” convinces you that you are never quite good enough.
It’s also obvious these warning signs are not only found in dating relationships . If you are ten minutes late for a date, it’s your fault that the male loser drives 80 Paranoid Control “The Loser” will check up on you and keep track of where. No body wants to be in a dead beat relationship but often we ignore the easy signs until too late. Here are 10 signs you are dating a loser.
There are many different types of men in the world. There are the hopeless romantics, who will whisk you away to watch tropical sunsets and hold the door open for you, when you get your taxi home. There are the players, who thrive when playing mind games and thinking that they have the advantage.
Losers are not always greasy-haired, broke slackers.
Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email. Sign me up! The presence of even three of these symptoms indicates a potentially harmful relationship.
12 Signs The Guy You’re Seeing Is A Loser Who’s Wasting Your Time
Bums often we are 12, that the day he might be in the other woman on qualifying offers. Loser if a narcissist or someone with phone calls, ph. You’ve just a player milos raonic. Therapy is a player milos raonic. See one.
20 Signs He’s A Loser There’s No Saving Him
We have all been there at one time or another — fallen head-over-heels for someone, despite an abundance of red flags waving in our face. Dating a loser can result in months, if not years of frustration, confusion, tears and tantrums. It also has the potential to cause physical or emotional damage and can have a long-lasting effect on your future relationships. A loser is usually very quick to tell you that he loves you. Often, within weeks of dating, he will be talking about your long-term future together. He may even discuss moving in, having kids or possibly propose marriage. Believe it or not, I actually had a potential suitor tell me that he loved me on our very first date together! Whilst this is all very flattering, you do really need to sit back and ask yourself if this behaviour is consistent with that of a normal, well-adjusted individual.
I t can be hard to see who you are actually dating during the honeymoon stage, when everything is so perfect. So how can you tell if he is really Mr.
Are there any signs you’re dating a loser? Of course, there are some. Before going into those points, realise that love is blind; but even sex can also make us blind. That is why we fail to realise our mistakes and end up dating losers.
10 Signs that your boyfriend is a loser!
I t can be hard to see who you are actually dating during the honeymoon stage, when everything is so perfect. So how can you tell if he is really Mr. Here are my top ten signs that you are dating a loser…. He moves fast, meeting your friends, moving in, proposing… the perfect whirlwind? Normal people need time to get to know each other and fall in love, as nobody wants to get hurt. He has Anger Problems… You might have considered this when you thought about his temper, but how long is his fuse? Does he speed, throw things or threaten people when angry? He puts you down… Mr. The Loser will. Anything to make you stay! He might threaten suicide, or to go back to an ex, or public humiliation. The Loser will stop all interests, or come along and demand to go home throughout.
10 Signs You’re Dating a Loser (He Doesn’t Respect You)
This article was published to the Internet several years ago and was originally written to help identify “Losers” in relationships. The e-mail feedback I have received on the article has been tremendous. It’s clear the article is a way of identifying not only “losers” but controlling, abusive, and manipulating individuals. It’s also obvious these warning signs are not only found in dating relationships – but in our spouse, our parents, our friends, and our relatives. There are more victims in the environment of the Loser than his or her partner. The loved ones want to understand the situation and ask for recommendations and guidance. For this group I have recently published “Love and Stockholm Syndrome:
10 Signs You’re Dating a Loser (He Doesn’t Respect You)
Being unemployed is not fun, and if you boyfriend does nothing to change the situation many excuses, like lack of self motivation, drive or even laziness , you have to run away from him. Of course there are some stipulations, for instance, you boyfriend can’t find job because of the current economic climate. No job usually means no money. However, even having a job might not change the situation. You’re boyfriend is a real loser, if whenever you date you don’t go to have a dinner together, because he can’t pay for that.
10 Signs You’re Dating a Loser
Check out these signs. He refuses to accept responsibility for wrongdoings. It may not happen on the first date, but if you go on a second or third, you can bet it will happen eventually. Really, do you want to deal with a guy who manipulates and guilt trips a girl? Do the right thing! Toss out the garbage in this case, the man , and continue with a nice life. You can most frequently spot this with dating logistics. Jerks of this flavor are looking for a plastic doll, not a person with feelings.
If you apparently know you have a loser boyfriend you are the only one that suffers and looks foolish at the end of the day by continuing to date him. With that being said what if you do not know you have a loser boyfriend!? Believe it or not most people know they can do better in terms of finding a better life partner. But most women are scared to be alone. That statement I am sure does not come as much of a surprise.
Check out these signs that might help you figure out if you’re dating a loser No, we are talking about those degenerate, unemployed, starter-cap wearing, no-hope bums who still live at home with their parents, yet inexplicably manage to date hot girls. Often, girls are stuck with a loser due to personal history. It might be that this guy became a loser so gradually that no one realized until it was too late. If you indeed are dating a loser, you need to rapidly reassess your relationship status. To start, you should consider changing it from “in a relationship” to “has a restraining order. You should never make excuses for a loser or think that you can “fix” him.
How To Know If You Are Dating a Loser